Life is a pursuit of beauty, experiencing the process of birth, aging, illness, and death. In this short yet lengthy journey, we meet and get to know strangers, encounter fate, and witness the blooming of flowers together.
Each person experiences the ups and downs of their own lives, experiencing their own joys and sorrows, only to eventually become strangers to each other, drifting apart and going their separate ways.
From birth to adulthood, people around us keep telling us, “Make more friends, more friends mean more paths.” The saying is not wrong, similar to “relying on parents at home, relying on friends when going out,” it has been drilled into our ears.
However, parents will grow old, and friends won’t always be there to help you. In life, you have to rely on yourself and stand on your own two feet. When the night is quiet, friends are fast asleep, and there’s an impassable gap between parents and children, the inner suffering and sadness can only be resolved on your own.
- Amazing Self-Defense Mechanism
There’s a saying online: “In the early morning parking lot, there are always men smoking in their cars before going upstairs, and women listening to a song in their cars before going home.”
During a gathering, a friend told me that the moment of solitude in the car after work is the most comfortable. Once back home, he becomes the strong father of his children, the capable husband of his wife, the filial son of his elderly parents. As a man, he is the pillar of the entire family, and life doesn’t allow him to lose focus; he can only rely on himself.
“Laugh, and the world laughs with you; cry, and you cry alone.”
The news about the boy who drove in the wrong direction to deliver keys to his girlfriend and got caught by the police, all his grievances and distress dissolved into tears.
Everyone has their own psychological defense mechanism. When under pressure, they prefer to be alone, reduce social interaction, and quickly restore psychological balance, just like the people who sit in their cars before going upstairs. They rely on their own psychological defense mechanism to release pressure and anxiety.
- Relying on Others is Unreliable
The current trend of domineering CEO dramas on television is quite popular. This type of toxic inspiration has become the love potion for millions of naive young girls, waiting for a CEO to come and rescue them, hoping for a man to protect and secure their lives.
During my high school years, a classmate of mine dated a wealthy boyfriend in college. While I was doing part-time jobs for my university living expenses, she was traveling abroad with the support of her boyfriend.
She got married right after graduation, soon became pregnant, and became an idle full-time housewife, the earliest and most well-off girl in our class.
However, she later got divorced because she had no job, and the custody of the child was given to her ex-husband, who gave her a symbolic amount of money as compensation.
After the blow of divorce, feeling disheartened by the failed relationship, she realized that relying on men was not the solution. The most important thing was to empower herself. Only by becoming strong herself could she change her situation.
She studied hard, returned to the professional world, and after years of hard work, she has now become a senior executive in a local company, enjoying a substantial income, and is preparing to fight for custody of her child.
The saying “Relying on others is unreliable, relying on oneself is the way to go.”
- In the Adult World, It’s Just You
The recent hit TV series has attracted not only young office workers but also 60-year-old housewives who eagerly follow the show’s updates. The intense dramatic conflicts in the series are captivating because they are too real. The protagonist, sees through the true faces of people around him due to a misdiagnosis. His wife is with him for money.
In the end, she leaves him, friends borrow money and deceive him, his father constantly asks for money like a vampire, and he is humiliated by his disciples and superiors in the workplace. Finally, he sees through it all, takes control, and absurdly changes everything.
In the adult world, it’s just you.
“No one will sympathize with me. When I feel unwell, when I can’t sleep, only the darkness will sympathize with me; if I fall on the road, only the road will sympathize with me; after I die, only the grave will sympathize with me,” the lines from the show deeply resonate with every viewer.
There are people in life who have it worse than him, and there are those who are luckier. Our lives are a process of self-redemption, learning to reflect and find enjoyment in solitude.
The renowned philosopher once said, “Self-interest is the first instinct of life, compassion is the second instinct of life.”
Everyone is a combination of multiple psychological tendencies, everyone is a sophisticated egoist, constrained by moral and legal boundaries.
Morality gives us a tendency to be altruistic, allowing us to have cheerful conversations with friends, intimate moments with lovers, and harmonious family relationships. But ultimately, we have to face our inner desires.
Since ancient times, there has been a saying, “A son is not filial in front of a sickbed,” “Husband and wife are like birds of the same forest, in times of crisis, each flies on their own,” “If a person doesn’t act for themselves, heaven and earth will annihilate them,” “We are born from the same root, why should we be so cruel to each other?”
Though these are extreme statements, they often cruelly reoccur in real life. Our sense of morality makes us ashamed, but our instinct of life is unstoppable.
All we can do is to strengthen our inner selves, enhance our sense of dedication, and harmoniously interact in a mutually beneficial life, so that we can stand firm when the storms of life approach.
Rely on yourself for eternal life.